My body has changed a lot over the years, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. I’ve had times when I loved my body and other times I didn’t like it at all. As I’ve aged, my body has continued to transform and I have finally learned that I never really hated my body. It was my mind that was messed up.
All I ever really wanted was to be loved, to be accepted, to belong and be embraced. In my youth I searched for these things thinking that my body was my obstacle to achieving them. What I didn’t realize was that the group of people I wanted so badly to be a part of, never deserved me and probably wouldn’t have accepted me in a skinny body either.
I have learned that people who are worthy of me, love me just the way I am. My size, shape or anything else about my outer appearance isn’t important to them. They want me in their lives because of how I treat them. They like me because we have fun together and we’re there for each other in good times and bad. I can be a good friend, daughter, sister, wife and mother in the body I have and I don’t need to change anything about my body unless I want to.
Now that my mind is clear and not muddied by societal standards, I love me! I respect me. I accept me. I know my worth is not defined by how I look. I know my body is a testament to the life I have lived and why would I want to erase that? I know that unconditional love from friends and family are what bring me happiness and that kind of joy will last long past when my body is old and worn.